“Forgiveness is a winding road”: A Journey

Let’s talk about the journey of forgiveness through a song titled “Forgiveness” by Rina Sawayama and how it reflects the rocky road of forgiving someone.

Why forgive? What’s in it for us if we forgive someone?

Even though at some point, what people or even ourselves do to us, seems unacceptable, sometimes we have to let go. Moreover, the process of letting go is not easy and not instant, as it is a process. However, some of the benefits of forgiveness include improvement of psychosocial well-being and reduction of psychological distress (1), increase of self-acceptance and competence while dealing with conflicts (2).

Process of forgiving someone

As stated before, forgiveness is a process, and it will not be easy to overcome the hurt or injustice that we face. Undoubtedly, it will take a lot of time. Also, Forgiving someone is a decisive effort to release negative thought patterns, anger, resentment, or pain (3). Furthermore, it also means letting go of something hurtful (3). Additionally, it is also about helping the victim find peace rather than validating harmful actions (3).

Just when I thought I’d weathered the storm
Rain starts to pour, those same old tears back on my face
No escape, ooh
Ripped out the page, rewrote the play
I did away with heroes and villains and old scores
From cold wars
But the pain isn’t done, no, no
When the battle is won

Forgiveness Lyrics

“Forgiveness” by Rina Sawayama

From the “Hold the Girl” album by Rina Sawayama, Forgiveness is the 5th track. Through the lyrics, it shows the journey of forgiving someone is not easy. Besides, it can haunt us, pulling us back from the start, even as we think we already make the process of forgiving someone. The singer, Rina Sawayama, also has a forgiveness tattoo, as a reminder for her to not slip to hate or vengeance.

So I’m running in circles again
Reaching dead ends
I guess I’m not over it yet

Forgiveness Lyrics

Early stages of Forgiveness

Here, I will discuss two stages out of six. For further read, please go though reference 3.

Identification

At this stage, it means that we need to recognize the source of the pain and anger (3). Also, within this stage, should be able to state the root cause. In the song, the source of the pain can be another person. Hence, “sometimes I blame you“.

‘Cause I’m losing my mind
Sometimes I blame you, sometimes I don’t
Sometimes it flips so fast, I don’t know
I’m looking for signs
For some kind of highway to letting it go, but
Forgivеness is a winding road

Forgiveness lyrics

Acknowledgment

Within this stage, we need to address our pain and anger by understanding the pain and anger (3). In addition, we also need to come to terms with the burden regarding forgiving someone (3). In this song, the form of acknowledgment comes out as questioning and wondering in terms of letting go.

I’m still looking for that highway
Wondering if I went the wrong way
But I ain’t lost

Forgiveness Lyrics

Other than that, acknowledgment also comes by realizing that forgiveness is indeed a process, where we can go backward in order to step forward. Furthermore, by also acknowledging that we’ll be alright is also a form of acknowledgment that might lead towards forgiveness and self-acceptance.

‘Cause I, I’ll be alright
Sometimes I blame you, sometimes I don’t
Yeah, I’m taking two steps back to go forward
I’m looking for signs
For some kind of highway to letting it go
Yeah, I’m out of luck but I still got hope
Yeah, are we nearly there yet? God only knows
But forgiveness is a winding road

Forgiveness Lyrics

Further Note on Forgiveness

The process of reaching forgiveness is indeed messy, and that will damage us but also be our healing balm (4). It also varies within each individuals and serves as a constant process of healing our pain (4).

So, what does forgiveness mean to you? How's your process on forgiving someone, or yourself? And, how much this song resonates with you?

References

(1) Long, K. N. G., Worthington, E. L., VanderWeele, T. J., & Song, M. (2020). Forgiveness of others and subsequent health and well-being in mid-life: a longitudinal study on female nurses. BMC Psychology, 8(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-020-00470-w

(2) Raj, P., Elizabeth, C., & Padmakumari, P. (2016). Mental health through forgiveness: Exploring the roots and benefits. Cogent Psychology, 3(1), 1153817. https://doi.org/10.1080/23311908.2016.1153817

(3) Cohen, I. S. (2021). The Forgiveness Workbook: Cultivate Compassion, Release Resentment, and Find Peace. Sourcebooks, Inc.

(4) Cantacuzino, M. (2022). Forgiveness: An Exploration. Simon and Schuster.