Our previous post has mentioned about inherited unlived life (read here). Sometimes our parent’s unlived life becomes a burden to us, becoming some things that we should fulfill. It shouldn’t be that way, since we are not obliged to live someone else’s life. We should live our lives in our way, values, and dreams. With that, let’s discuss some views in trying to separate ourselves from the inherited unlived life. We also need to deal with during the process.
Separating ourselves from the inherited unlived life
Pressures, especially if it comes from relatives or close ones, are very hard to deal with. It is not uncommon for it to be integrated with our sense of self. Disguising as some expectation we need to fulfill to become ourselves. For example, your parents constantly put some pressure on you to do A. With time, you feel obligated to always do A, having no time to reflect on how if it’s what we truly want for our lives. This would cause future problems, as well as midlife crises, as mentioned in the previous article.
Even though it feels like it’s not our fault, it’s our job to separate ourselves from that. This way, we could stop it from reoccurring and cause more unnecessary damage. Especially if one plans to have children someday. I believe this is similar to societal pressures. But rather than from society, inherited unlived life comes from family pressures. Hence, I believe some ways to separate ourselves from it, are similar to defining ourselves amid societal standards (read here).
We need to identify which parts of us are the result of inherited unlived life. Is the thing that you do, believe, or value, really reflect you? Next, if it’s too hard to identify that, as it is bound to be, do an experiment. As it’s not an instant process, it’ll take time and effort. You can also explore other things to find what best represents you and what you want to do with life.
Some truths to deal with
Coming to terms with separating yourself from the inherited unlived life can also lead you to some truths. As it takes a lot of time and effort, it also comes with things you also need to face. Mostly, it might be scary or life-changing. It might also challenge your relationships with your relatives.
First, you also need to prepare, by being yourself, you might disappoint some people. Within this context, your parents or family. You will face on how your values and dreams clash with them. How you live your life might also disappoint them, or even, will disappoint them. Especially if it’s your parents. In some cases, it might appear that you’re disobedient and don’t listen to them. Therefore, as I said before, it might challenge your relationships with your relatives.
Other than that, in general, being your authentic self might also feel isolating. It’s bound to happen. Feeling like you’re different as a person, going on a different step with others. I think if you’re going through something like this, it’s better to keep going, and reach out to some professionals if needed, to accompany you with your journey. In time, it might be better gradually. You won’t have to compromise yourself to fit with the inherited unlived life.
Conclusion
Breaking out from the inherited unlived life might be a challenge, as we need to do it to stop the cycle. Some ways to do it is by identifying and experimenting, defining yourself. With that, it also comes with some truth you also need to deal with.
Are you living your life, or living an inherited unlived life?
