“Phantom”: How Wounded Inner Child Will Haunt You

Let’s discuss about the song “Phantom” by Rina Sawayama and how it relates to our journey in accepting our wounded inner child. Additionally, I include some references for further reading.

What is an Inner Child?

First of all, the inner child can be defined as a part of ourselves that holds our memories, and emotions, and like a child, it also contains our hopes and dreams (1). This is also a piece of ourselves that reacts or feels like a child (2).

“Phantom” by Rina Sawayama

Phantom is the 12th track from ‘Hold The Girl’ album by Rina Sawayama. Reflecting through the lyrics, it pictures how there is a tendency for us to please other people, especially as a child or teenagers, to be loved or to feel enough. Hence, leads to us sacrificing pieces of ourselves. With time, the other pieces of ourselves that got hurt in the process, haunt us, thus, becoming “phantom”. From my perspective, this also could be about how this phantom is also a sign of how we have unfinished business with our past selves, urging us to also recognize them, mourn about our lost selves, and accept them.

Also, here’s what the artist said about the song:

I realised as an adult that I have spent my whole life pleasing other people and not realising it – constantly pushing my boundaries and not realising the difference between what I wanted to do and what other people wanted from me. Through the lyrics in the verse I’m trying to tell this story and then in the choruses I’m morning the loss of my real self.

– Rina Sawayama

Signs of Wounded Inner Child

People-pleasing

One form of wounded inner child manifestations could be people pleasing, as also apparent in the song. In addition, unresolved trauma can cause us to crave the approval of others, “dying to be liked, looking for love“.

Once upon a time
There was a girl pleasing the world
Dying to be liked
Looking for love, wanting to trust

– Phantom Lyrics

Too Much or Too Little Boundaries

Wounded Inner child is also apparent in how we set our boundaries or none at all. Other than that, some can build up a lot of boundaries to protect themselves, or not be able to refuse to the point of sacrificing themselves.

Stickers and scented gel pens
Give possessions, get friends
Breaking off pieces, things started to change
I’ve been tryna find her since
She gave a little too much away

– Phantom Lyrics

Effects of Wounded Inner Child

Continuing the metaphor, the inner child that is wounded, haunts us back, as emotional wounds especially during childhood can leave a lifetime scar (3). In some forms, it could also leave us with a void.

I don’t wanna do this without you
don’t wanna do this if you’re just a ghost in the night
I tried everything to fill up the void that you left me with
My phantom (Phantom)

– Phantom Lyrics

Journey to Accept Our Inner Child

As the phantom still haunts us, at some point it encourages us to also recognize them, acknowledging them first. Then, we might begin our acceptance journey. Even though our own experiences might differ or not be the same way as the song, we can also each recognize our own wounded inner child in our way.

Ooh, I was wrong to assume
I would ever outgrow you
I need you now, I need you close
How do you hold a ghost?
Inner child, come back to me
I wanna tell you that I’m sorry, I’m sorry

– Phantom lyrics

So, how is your inner-child?

References

(1) Goldstein, E. (2023, November 11). What is an inner child | and what does it know — Integrative Psychotherapy Mental Health blog. Integrative Psychotherapy & Trauma Treatment. https://integrativepsych.co/new-blog/what-is-an-inner-child

(2) inner child. (2024). https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/inner-child

(3) Jay, L., & Inez, V. (2023). Shadow Work Journal for Self-Love: Powerful Prompts and Exercises to Integrate Your Shadow and Embrace Your Inner Child. Zeitgeist.